Forgiveness is generally believed to be a positive response to human wrongdoing; Forgiveness is conceptually, psychologically and morally complex phenomenon (forgive). Without forgiveness there cannot be reconciliation and the option to move forward with life and finally being able to put the pain or hurt behind them. Forgiveness is one the hardest things an individual must learn how to do after being wronged, betrayed or hurt by someone they cared about, whether it was a parent, lover and/or friend or even a by a stranger. But it is said that in order for an individual to get past any given conflict and feelings of hurt or betrayal, one must first learn to find it in their heart to forgive in order to have any chance of reconciliation or just to be able to move on with their life. Most people feel, if not all people feel that if they forgive someone that has hurt them in any way that somehow they are dismissing and minimizing the conflict or the magnitude of the situation. Many people believe that if you forgiving someone who has hurt you, that you’re giving them the opportunity to hurt you again. According to Wilmot and Hocker forgiveness is just the opposite. It is not minimizing the situation but actually bringing forth acknowledgement of the truth about what took place and coming to terms about what took place as well. According to Wilmot and Hocker in order for forgiveness to occur and reconciliation to begin one must go a process that plays out in four major categories: “Uncovering Phase”, “Decision Phase”, “Work Phase” and the “Outcome Phase”.
On the path of forgiveness one must experience the “Uncovering Phase” which is the phase in which an individual tries to figure or process their feelings about what has happen and why. This is also the phase in which shame and possible guilt may arise within the individual who has felt they have been wronged, hurt or betrayed (Wilmot and Hocker Elements of Conflict). For example when a spouse discovers that their significant other is having an extramarital affair, the spouse will begin to as many people will call “go through emotions”. In this phase the spouse is trying to figure out why this happened to them, what did they do wrong and how this situation is making them feel.
Secondly, we have the “Decision Phase, in this particular phase one is not actually making a decision but more or less realizing how much hurt and/or emotional energy as Wilmot and Hocker would say is being released due to this conflict and/or situation that has taking place (Wilmot and Hocker Elements of Conflict). This phase also gives reference to how much the conflict and/or situation has taking over their lives. In this phase people come to the understanding that their feelings of pain, hurt or betrayal is taking over their lives and start to think of ways to overcome these feelings.
The final two phases are the “Work Phase” and “Outcome Phase”. The “Work Phase” is the phase in which an individual begins to explore the possibility of forgiveness due to the feelings of empathy one may have against the so-called “offender” in the conflict and/or situation (Wilmot and Hocker Elements of Conflict). The “Outcome Phase” this phase is a representation of the impact that the conflict and/or situation has had on the individuals involved. It also is a phase of reflection in which the person who has been hurt and/or betrayed may come to the realization that they may have some fault as well to what has happened. Realizing that blame could be shared in the sense that they were not totally innocent to what was going on in the conflict and possibly assisted or contributed to the conflict.
In order to forgive, one must first realize, understand and most importantly reflect on what has happened because reflecting on the situation at hand as well as figuring out ones part in the conflict and/or situation could actual lay the framework for what is called reconciliation (bringing together). Without forgiveness one cannot truly believe that reconciliation can take place, because forgiveness represents a kind of trust that has been reestablish between the individual(s) in the relationship because the parties involved have communicated and listened clearly, openly and effectively to where everyone and everything that have been affected by the conflict has been understood. But if that has not happen to a point where trust and communication lines are or been establish than the so-called reconciliation cannot survive and the union between the parties will be forever broken. The most important thing to understand about forgiveness is that when you forgive someone you don’t have to let the individual or group of individuals that have hurt you back into your life
No comments:
Post a Comment